🤦‍♀️ SMH

You’re absolutely right, the American Psychological Association doesn’t know the first things about men or their challenges and needs. Neither do other men who have studied masculinity for decades as their profession. But you do because you are one guy with a martyr complex…

Also, thousands of men in the UK, US and Mexico don’t actually understand masculinity either, so when researchers asked them about what was expected of them as men, they (clearly) gave made up and false answers. 🙄

Men Describe What It Takes to Be a ‘Real Man’

More recently, when researchers asked a socially and ethnically diverse range of men ages 18–30 in the US, the UK, and Mexico what it takes to be a “real man” the responses were very similar. Here are the 7 main pillars:

• Be self-sufficient — Real men should be self-reliant, particularly with regard to their physical and emotional health.
• Act tough — Real men should be willing to defend their reputation, by violence if necessary. They also should remain stoic when dealing with vulnerable emotions.
• Physical attractiveness — Real men should dress well and look good, but without appearing that they are trying too hard to do so.
• Rigid gender roles — Real men expect to be financial providers but not to do much in the way of child or home care.
• Heterosexuality and homophobia — Real men should be both heterosexual and derogatory of homosexuality, even if they have gay friends that they accept.
• Hypersexuality — Real men are interested in and ready for sex anytime and anywhere. They should always be on the prowl for their next “sexual conquest.”
• Aggression and control — Real men use physical violence when necessary, and hold control over household decisions and women’s movements.

Not all of the guys adhered to every single one of those norms, but they did report pressure to do so nonetheless. Failing to recognize this stuff due to defensiveness is what allows it to stay in place. If you actually cared about men — or women — you’d be putting your focus on understanding the actual social dynamics (rather than the madeup scapegoat ones) and helping other men to shift them to ones that serve them better and hurt others less.