Absolutely everyone is scared of rejection, but the pervasive culture of masculinity makes it worse for men because they are actually trained away from learning how to grapple with their emotions and with making any connections that aren't sexual. Some men have real friends, some even have female friends, but overwhelmingly there's a lot of messaging still to "be tough, be in control, be independent and never rely on anyone else" and it's really destructive, and it's something that men, in particular, need to be confronting and changing - although we all need to support that.
"Judy Chu, in her book When Boys Become Boys, shows that by Pre-K, boys are already being taught to hide their emotional acuity, taking on the stoic performance of masculinity our culture forces on us.
Niobe Way, author of Deep Secrets, asked boys in early adolescence, “What does your best friend mean to you?” Boys answered “I love my best friend” and “without my best friend I would go crazy.” By late adolescence those same boys say, “That friendship is fading out.”
Why are boys walking away from these intimate friendships that just a few years earlier they said “they would go crazy without?” Way discovered that these boys become convinced that wanting close friendships means they are “little kids, girly or gay.”
It is at this point, that boys’ suicide rates become 4 times that of girls their age."
Do you think that women went from housewives to astronauts and police officers and surgeons, and business leaders in a couple of decades because that was easy and there were no risks?? There are still astronomical challenges for women who do those things, including hazing and harassment and still having to fight to be taken seriously. I’m tired of hearing about how it’s hard to change things and to go in new directions. Yes, it is hard but join the club…
