According to a whole bunch of male sociologists and anti-violence educators, American masculinity IS the problem - for women and for everyone else. Women using "men" as a demographic short hand for the harmful norms that men are socialized into (aggression, dominance, control of women, artificially suppressing vulnerable emotions, etc.) is not saying that all men are the problem in the slightest -it's saying that masculine culture is harmful. In fact, it's essentially like saying, "When the Germans invaded Poland" instead of saying "When the members of the Nazi party and those they had either brainwashed or conscripted against their will into service invaded Poland... "
Men, after all, are the primary perpetrators of rape, battering, sexual abuse, and sexual harassment, at least according to those radical feminists over at the FBI. So we can dispense with the idea that it is anti-male to say what everyone already knows to be true. There is an awful lot of violence against women in our society, and men commit the vast majority of it.
Katz, Jackson. The Macho Paradox (pp. 29-30). Sourcebooks. Kindle Edition.
While I appreciate that you have some understanding and support for talking about this stuff, going toward some sort of #NotAllMen rhetoric is centering yourself in a way that is inappropriate. And if women are yelling at you, it's because you are probably talking when you should be listening or 'splaining to them something, or "fixing" something rather than being the ally you seem to want to be. The fact that modern women no longer have any tolerance for that sort of thing is absolutely appropriate and necessary for approaching anything like actual equality. Claiming that women need to be nicer is being a part of the problem.
Aside from the fact that feminism does not hate men, and that patriarchy is a social system that doesn't mean men - if you don't want to be seen as an enemy, don't make yourself into one. You can begin by reading guys like Mark Greene and Robert K Starr here on Medium for thoughts on how to be a part of changing the culture for the better without pissing women off in the process. Here's something I recently wrote about men being part of the solution and a link to a meta-study that debunks the notion that feminists hate men.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/feminists-dont-hate-men-study/
Across five studies, collated into an overarching meta-analysis published in Psychology of Women Quarterly, researchers found feminists generally feel positively towards men. In fact, feminists share roughly the same positive attitudes towards men as non-feminists. They also found that people generally believe that feminists feel the complete opposite, in what the authors call the “misandry myth”.
