Actually, this is what I've got - besides the words right from the mouths of thousands of men that I've already presented to you. This was the whole point of this OP - that this isn't what women say; this is what men say about themselves. I don't expect it to change your mind because you've drank kind of a lot of Kool-Aid, but maybe it will be meaningful to someone else who reads this. Besides, it's just kind of fun for me to pull out the stops on how much research-based evidence there is out there that says that men and boys are forced into these norms and that doing so harms them. And this is only the tip of the iceberg. There are literally thousands of pages more where this came from.
Besides all that, pretty much all of the Nordic countries don't buy into patriarchy anymore. Denmark, in particular has been quite successful both economically and in rankings of happiness and social wellbeing. Holland doesn't go in for strict gender binaries either, and they seem to be doing great. But the main issue isn't gender roles themselves, it's the destructive sort that we have in the West. A dominance hierarchy is more efficient for getting things done, but so is a dictatorship - so it's not exactly a ringing endorsement.
But on to the research:
A review of 94 psychological studies, including more 24,000 people and spanning the past 40 years, found that while women have adapted to workplace norms, by engaging in more stereotypically male behavior (becoming more assertive, actively displaying ambition, and showing strength and confidence), men have not adapted alongside them. Even though business increasingly relies on relationships, trust, and reputation, men are not becoming more compassionate, warm, and understanding. Instead many men focus on leading and influencing through fear and dominance rather than building consensus and creating safe environments for employees to share ideas.
Why? Research demonstrates that much the same way women face unfair backlash effects for being more masculine or not feminine enough, men similarly face backlash for not adhering to masculine gender stereotypes. This backlash is likely one (but of course not the only) reason that men engage in behaviors that harm women and are detrimental to their own careers.
Research shows that constraining aspects of male gender norms negatively influence both women’s and men’s health.
Masculine ideals, such as the restriction of emotional expression and the pressure to conform to expectations of dominance and aggression, may heighten the potential for boys to engage in general acts of violence including, but not limited to, bullying, assault, and/or physical and verbal aggression (Feder, Levant, & Dean, 2010).
Intimate partner violence (IPV), a prime example of dysfunction, reflects the feelings of distress males experience in situations that threaten their idealized masculine identity (Baugher & Gazmararian, 2015).
“We found incredible evidence that the extent to which men strongly endorse those beliefs, it’s strongly associated with negative outcomes.” The more men cling to rigid views of masculinity, the more likely they are to be depressed, or disdainful, or lonely.
Their meta-analysis of this research—the first of its kind to look at men and mental health—confirms that a strong commitment to these kinds of masculine norms, overall, are associated with mental-health problems, and that, yes, many of these problems seem to spring from social difficulties. They also found, predictably, that men who aspire to traditional masculine ideals are not likely to seek support or professional help for emotional or mental problems like depression.
"In the United States, expectations for boys tend to center on dominance, control, avoiding weakness, and restricting or hiding emotions. These norms can be the most stringent during adolescence, partly due to policing by peers. Boys must prove their masculinity daily to peers, and should they falter, on average, boys have fewer coping skills than girls. In fact, a meta-analysis of coping studies concluded men were less likely than women to use every single coping skill included.
Instead, anger, violence, substance use, and other externalizing behaviors are the strategies often modeled for and employed by boys. Continuing to limit the social-emotional development of boys may have dire consequences for boys and even for those around them."
