And she said that she didn't blame the guy. And then you came after me for disagreeing and acted like I was out of line for being upset about most women having a lifetime of negative and even traumatic experiences around this. I didn't say the guy was evil, I didn't say he was even a bad person; I said he'd been given bad advice and you had to write me a long, long "talking to" about how we shouldn't behave "oppositionally" around that. Is that what you say to Black people too, that some folks don't know enough to not act in a racist way, and so feeling upset about that and demanding better is out of line? Because it's pretty much the same kind of bullshit and it's not OK.

It's only possible and common for people with no ill intentions to come off disrespectfully because we live in a culture that not only tolerates that, it encourages it. You are an apologist for sexual abuse, and if you don't want to be taken as such, don't say things like "But simply lashing out at guys for doing it wrong doesn't typically help."

What he did was so close to the line of sexual harassment that he almost got kicked out of school for it. It's not a victim's job to be nicer to her abusers. It's not her job to educate him about how to behave correctly. Yes, his uncle and his culture have let him down, but making that somehow her fault and her responsibility to address is the worst sort of victim blaming and coming after me for pointing that out is not any better.

Part of having compassion for someone is helping them to do better - not enabling and excusing what they did that was problematic.

I don't have any more bandwidth for this shit. I'm out...