And that is my only point right there. I said over and over again that parents are important, and that it's ideal for a kid to have a close and loving relationship with both parents, but the fact of the matter is, only 23% of kids live with male/female married parents and despite the narrative to the contrary that this is hugely damaging to boys, the ones who have the other sorts of supports are mostly doing OK. You can't say that loving lesbian parents are perfectly acceptable parents and then insist that boys need dads in the same sentiment. Nobody needs anyone in particular - as many orphans who succeeded might attest. Kids need 3 stable, loving relationships in their lives and it's ideal if 2 of those are from parents. But in a world that quite often doesn't provide that for whatever reason, these boys are not doomed - and that has been the cultural narrative that they are - and that's all that I'm speaking to. That’s what “need” means — has to have or is required, and clearly it’s not required. It may be beneficial but it’s not necessary, which is a really good thing because it’s often not available.
Overwhelmingly when boys of single mothers don't do well, it's because of economics and the pressures that go with that. Dads as anything other than one of the loving, secure, close relationships in a child's life are not necessary for a boy to grow up successfully. We know this because if a dad dies, other people can fill that space and that boy can grow up to be President Washington or President Clinton. And then we have dads like James had who contributed nothing good, so he got the care and support he needed from three other secure and loving relationships. He still grew up fine - not without some scars from that - but to be kind and responsible and to work hard and love his family.
I don't know what the existential part could be other than a deeply held cultural belief. I'm a pragmatist and what I can see in the world as well as what the latest research reveals is that love and stability are way more important to a child than where that comes from.
