As I've said more than once, I no longer have time for discussions that are self-indulgent and aren't grappling with the real situation - as described by the men who are studying this problem and leading the drive to create solutions; and as described by the American Psychological Association.
I'm fed up with the men who want to center themselves and their needs while sexual (and other types) of violence and discrimination continue to run rampant because they won't engage with the solutions. You guys ARE the bulk of the problem, but the good news is, you are also the solution. I'm inviting the men around me to take that on, and be leaders in changing our culture. If that makes you "feel like shit" perhaps some therapy to explore why that is is in order, because it's not exactly rational and it's a huge obstacle in you being an effective ally.
I have sympathy for how facing this is hard, and uncomfortable but you know what, women have been doing hard shit with absolutely no support or sympathy for thousands of years, clawing their way forward in the face of unbelievable backlash, violence, and marginalization - which was institutional and codified in law just a few decades ago. And we're going to continue to do that, with or without your help - although obviously we'd much prefer to have it.
But you're right, the gloves are off. Men are either a part of the solution or they are a part of the problem. If that doesn't work for you, I'm disappointed, but wish you well also.
