As the batterer-intervention counselor Lundy Bancroft observes in his deeply insightful book Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, many men who batter have internalized cultural beliefs about manhood that legitimize—in their own minds—their controlling and abusive behaviors. These beliefs did not appear out of thin air. These men are not from some other planet.

Batterers often seek to minimize and deny their abusive behavior. Men who are ordered to seek counseling for assaulting their girlfriends or wives are commonly defiant—at least initially. In the face of compelling evidence to the contrary, they often flat out deny they have done anything wrong. They also frequently invert the truth and argue that they are the true victims. She’s the problem. She’s a manipulative bitch. She should be here, not me. None of this is surprising. Men who batter are products of a society that is in deep denial about men’s violence and, when forced to face reality, seeks to blame victims instead.

Katz, Jackson. The Macho Paradox (p. 33). Sourcebooks. Kindle Edition.