As you well know since you read me frequently, I talk about the ways this social system harms men all the time. Clearly, we all need to care about each other and try to work toward solutions for all - that's what I write about every day. And, at the same time, most men don't want to engage in that. They want to deflect, be defensive, and then blame everything - including the issues that patriarchy causes men on women. They want to demand that women fix that FOR them - not with them. And that's not OK. Too many men also seem to think that we're kind of on a level playing field here, where everyone has problems but that isn't remotely the case. The Black Lives Matter movement can care about and have empathy for poor white kids, but they sure aren't going to be putting most of their advocacy energy into that and nobody would expect them to. But lots and lots of people, including some women, expect that feminism is supposed to care equally about "men's issues" or they don't actually care about equality. That's misogyny in a nut shell because in this context “care” means do something about — not just empathize.

Expecting people who are literally fighting for their lives, their basic safety and their fundamental human rights to focus on addressing the issues that men face is completely and totally out of line. Patriarchy caused all of this. Men need to go clean up their own house before asking us to divert focus away from just trying to survive. Yes, it would be great if we could all work together, but until men do their share, women have got to keep their own well filled and in good working order or risk getting depleted. My empathy doesn’t have to extend to making solving those issues my priority.

Edit: Good Men uphold rape culture every single day — or it wouldn’t still exist. They turn a blind eye to bad behavior, they stay silent in the face of misogyny, and they say things like “I didn’t do anything so don’t blame me.” All of this fosters and maintains rape culture. Good men have got to step up and stop pretending that this isn’t about them, because we cannot transform our society until more men take this shit on and own the ways that they inadvertently participate in it, and unintentionally benefit from it — even if they don’t want to.