At this point in time the term incel refers to a violent hate group, so I wouldn't use it to describe guys who are just a bit socially awkward - largely because patriarchy hasn't taught them how to connect with women as human beings, but rather only how to try to "score" on them. It hasn't taught them how to value themselves, only how to compare themselves to others in an artificial pecking order. Sure they deserve some sympathy, but who is asking that for all the lonely women out there? Nobody. It's a real issue.

There are no White hats and Black hats. All people are a blend of good people who sometimes do bad things or vice versa, but that being said, there are elements of mainstream "traditional" masculinity that drive rape culture, that drive violence, that drive thinking men have the right to control women. Most guys don't participate in that consciously - it's the ocean they've always swum in, but as you've noted, it is possible to "wake up" and to recognized the harm in that, and decide it's not who you want to be.