Attraction is a mysterious thing, and also quite individual, so I don't know what to tell you beyond these general things that I've already said. But not knowing who you are is definitely something that is within your power to address, no matter your age (and I don't necessarily mean you personally -but maybe).

Of course, humans are a highly social species and so complete disconnecting from the group isn't really possible, but on the other hand, not giving all your power to the feedback of others absolutely is. You've said that you tend to evaluate yourself by ranking against other men in the room. You absolutely can stop doing that and other similar things.

The fact remains, most men who have partners are not great looking or rich/high status. What do they have that you don't have? I don't really know you, so it's hard to say, but the only sensible thing you can do in the face of that is to keep developing yourself and your own life because being sad and desperate isn't going to add to your attractiveness quotient. How do you stop doing that in the face of the circumstances? No easy answer for that either but how did Nelson Mandela come out of prison forgiving his captors and being sound in mind and heart? How did Elie Wiesel sustain his humanity in a concentration camp? History is filled with examples of people who transcended their circumstances. Rather than trying to convince the world that it ought to operate differently, I suggest that you work on studying and following their example.

And, I'm sending you best wishes that your second date will work out.