Based on what? Not his own words about his relationship - but rather what other people who don't understand polyamory have assumed. I mean, "What kind of man 'allows' his woman to sleep with another man?" But as Smith has pointed out, “You love in freedom with everybody except your partner.” He then explained how people tend to lend more space in friendships or relationships with their children than they do in a conventional marriage. If people don't get that because they'd rather judge through the lens of their preconceptions and biases, that's hardly his fault.

The fact that most people who claim to be poly are really just continuing with hook-up culture doesn't mean that other people (including the Smiths) aren't doing the work to have rich and rewarding intimate connections of various kinds - ones that require intense communication, radical self-responsibility, and expansive love.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had such bad experiences, but the people you describe are not actually polyamorous in the true sense of the word. They are using it as a cover to engage in selfish and irresponsible behavior - something that gives a bad name to actual poly life, which although not perfect because ya know, human beings, is absolutely not what you are describing.