Because she's been married to her career all these years and barely had a boyfriend since right after college, when she first met and dated this guy. When they reconnected, he told her she was the love of his life, and that he'd never gotten over her. For a woman in her mid-50s who is lonely and feeling like she's missed out on having a partner, this was music to her ears. She's also someone who tries to see the best in everyone, and she seems to think that she can "help him" in some way. This is why I haven't straight up told her that I think it's a bad situation. She loves having a sweetheart, and he wines and dines her when he isn't busy being emotionally abusive. People like this are rarely across the board monsters. They have just enough good and redeeming qualities that it's easy to just hope that those will come to the fore more often.

Plus, as a mental health professional once told me, when someone is so different from how you are (because they are abusive) it is hard to wrap your head around someone truly being like that. You want to cling to the good parts, and almost have a kind of cognitive dissonance about the bad parts because you just can't comprehend that sort of behavior. So straight out telling her that she needs to give up all the aspects of this relationship that she craves and has been longing for for so many years doesn't feel like it's really my right to do. I think she's got to realize for herself that it's not worth the trade-offs, and I'm just trying to help her feel safe enough to do that. No-one wants to feel made a fool of for making bad choices.

Thanks for your comment. It helped me clarify some things in my own mind as I was typing my response.