Boy, you are seriously clueless - and also victim blaming. I hope for your niece's sake that you don't turn on her and make it her fault when she's hurt or scared by a man - because it will happen and you hating on her for "failing" to prevent it or not being “savvy enough” to spot it ahead of time will be worse for her than the actual attack.
Mainstream "traditional" masculine values are extremely well documented - and studied in depth by all sorts of organizations for over 40 years. Educate yourself so you don't come off like a putz.
"The main thrust of the subsequent research is that traditional masculinity—marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression—is, on the whole, harmful."
More recently, when researchers asked a socially and ethnically diverse range of men ages 18–30 in the US, the UK, and Mexico what it takes to be a “real man” the responses were very similar. Here are the 7 main pillars:
Be self-sufficient — Real men should be self-reliant, particularly with regard to their physical and emotional health.
Act tough — Real men should be willing to defend their reputation, by violence if necessary. They also should remain stoic when dealing with vulnerable emotions.
Physical attractiveness — Real men should dress well and look good, but without appearing that they are trying too hard to do so.
Rigid gender roles — Real men expect to be financial providers but not to do much in the way of child or home care.
Heterosexuality and homophobia — Real men should be both heterosexual and derogatory of homosexuality, even if they have gay friends that they accept.
Hypersexuality — Real men are interested in and ready for sex anytime and anywhere. They should always be on the prowl for their next “sexual conquest.”
Aggression and control — Real men use physical violence when necessary, and hold control over household decisions and women’s movements.
"Paradoxically, to be perceived as masculine and thus to achieve the higher social status and power afforded to “real” men, men are pressured to and rewarded for adopting certain traits (e.g., being aggressive, virile with many sexual partners, unemotional, in control, adventurous, risk taking, dominant) that result in vulnerability to negative physical and mental health consequences.12–14 Furthermore, adoption of inequitable beliefs and adherence to traditional norms of masculinity have been found to be associated with violence,15–18 risky sexual behaviors,12,19,20 and sexual and intimate partner violence against women,20–22 which in turn negatively affect the health of men, women, and children."
While media images of men are becoming somewhat more varied, research has found that violence – even if it’s now more often used to protect others, as with The Witcher and The Mandalorian – remains an essential part of how media defines masculinity.[15]The association between masculinity and violence is reflected in men’s behaviour, as well. Believing in narrow definitions of masculinity – what is sometimes called the ”Man Box” – is a predictor of whether or not a man will actually be violent towards others.[16]
Not all men subscribe to or buy into the Man Box to the same extent, but they are all pressured to do so and it demonstrably contributes to violence and sexual predation in our culture.
Actually, children raised by single moms who have sufficient economic stability and a core group of at least three adults they can rely on do pretty well. Having an abusive father in the home who fights constantly with the mother is actually the number one indicator for problem behaviors and outcomes.
"Another expert on fatherhood, sociologist Tim Biblarz of the University of Southern California-Los Angeles, says the evidence shows economics plays a significant role in the risk for negative outcomes, such as poorer grades and lower educational attainment, substance abuse or poor social adjustment.
“Those who grow up with single mothers with adequate socioeconomic resources tend to do well. The children of poor single mothers are more at risk,” Biblarz says. “Many of the results that say that kids are at increased risk for negative outcomes have to do with economics.”
“What’s important is not whether they are raised by one or two parents. It’s how good is the relationship with the parent, how much support they’re getting from that parent and how harmonious is the environment.
Single Moms’ Sons Can Succeed, New Research Shows
There are approximately 100,000 kids being raised by two lesbian moms and they (along with gay dads) have a generally higher level of school success and achievement than those raised by hetero couples. Only 23% of American households raising children are a hetero-two person household.
In any case, what is abundantly clear is that the quality of parenting and the love and security the child feels are the primary indicators of how successfully they will grow up. Many things may factor into this, including feelings of loss or disruption from losing a dad, but simply having a father or a father figure in the house has no automatic correlation with a boy growing up to be a functional member of society. In fact, the wrong man in the house can lead to negative outcomes.
It does “take a village” to have a functional society. Right now the one we have is a violent rape village. That needs to change — for everyone’s sake. How about you become a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem? For your niece’s sake and your own…
