But it's not blame to talk about the findings of 40 years of research (most of it done by men) about how entrenched these norms are, how often they are enforced and policed (sometimes by women) - and how how much they harm men as well as everyone else.

I'm sorry, but this kind of balking can only read as complete fragility to me. Nobody is "bashing" men here and nobody is attacking you in particular. If men are too brittle to deal with reality because it hurts their feelings to hear that they are killing themselves and hurting others with this shit, then they deserve a "Darwin Award."

As a white person, I don't feel attacked and unfairly called out when BIPOC talk about racism. It's obviously true that we have a long and entrenched history of intentionally marginalizing and oppressing non-white people - and it's still going on today. But since I'm not intentionally doing any of that, and I'm doing my best to learn from those with a different experience, I don't feel singled out or attacked when that is spoken about. How else are we going to improve the culture if we don't talk about and identify what's wrong? I know there are white people who are defensive about this stuff, but anecdotally, it just seems to me that most men feel some level of defensiveness that is completely and entirely unwarranted and very much against their own best interests - and that's something I just don't fathom.