But it's not the "quality of being a man" - it's the norms of masculinity as currently devised which have little to nothing to do with being an actual man - or they wouldn't have to be taught, and policed, and enforced. Why isn't that completely obvious? I'm not trying to be combative here, I'm trying to understand. This stuff demonstrably hurts men (and everyone else) but yet most men still want to cling to and defend it. Why?