Exactly! And it's easy to fall into that pattern when we're busy and tired, but then it starts things on a kind of downward spiral of disconnection. I also think this is where hook-up culture (where using the other person as a sex toy is kind of the point) and ubiquitous porn (where emotional connection is not at all the point) have eroded good sex in our culture. You don't have to love the other person, but you really ought to like them enough to create a mutual experience of pleasure together and not just try to find a way to "get off" using the other person as a masturbatory tool.