I agree, but with one caveat. My son went to an ABA based school for 6 years, and they were incredibly caring and invested in helping him in any way that they could. It was never about trying to force him to conform, and was all about his well-being. Those teachers became like family and we are still in touch with many of them. Besides the fact that my son adored them as well (a testament to his treatment by them) I don't know where we'd be without that school and all those years of shaping skills.

It's also recognized today that things like trying to get autistics to make eye contact is inappropriate, and that many cannot think straight or speak if they are using their bandwidth to look someone in the eye. Stimming is no longer discouraged, but instead is shaped to be less disruptive. This is all part of modern ABA.

Maybe it isn't appropriate for those who already have a lot of mainstream skills, but for the kids who struggle a lot with those, it's a life-line (when administered properly). But, typically whenever I say that to privileged autistic people sitting at their desks of their jobs talking to people on the internet (something my child will never remotely do), they completely discount my good first hand experience in favor of bad things they've heard from other people second and third hand. It's unbelievably frustrating when people ostensibly from your own community are so unaccepting and unkind. I mostly steer clear of them these days. All the more reason that I appreciate this nuanced and civil discussion.