I am married to one of the best men I've ever met. Not only is he a decent human being who has always treated me like a person and a partner, with kindness and love, over our almost 35 years together, he's also been willing to learn and grow with me. We now have an even better relationship than when we started because he's been willing to make the effort to move beyond his male socialization, the poor example his father set, etc. He's been interested in and willing to learn from me about my experiences as a woman in this culture as well.
James probably would have done it anyway, but hearing more about that from me over the years may have contributed to him commissioning a gender equity study when he was briefly the head of HR at his company. Sure enough, they discovered that women weren't being paid the same as men with similar experience and responsibilities in many instances. He also fired two guys for behaving in creepy/ inappropriate ways that somebody else might well have swept under the rug - not just because it was the right thing to do for the women involved, but because an atmosphere that tolerates that isn't good for morale in general and that's not good for the bottom line or for potential further liability.
In many ways, James fits the "alpha male" profile in that he is confident, tall, handsome, and was successful in business - but he's also one of the most generous people I know, who won't hesitate to help a friend or support someone in need. He's not afraid to be vulnerable with me and he's a wonderful dad to our special needs son. He's not perfect, because nobody is, but maybe because he had such a crappy father, and has suffered at the hands of patriarchy himself, he has always made an effort to do better. We've gone through some rough patches; some of them very rough, but he's always been committed to figuring it out together.
I've written several stories about him through the years because I agree that it's important to celebrate the good things men do. Here's one about James and one about other good men in my life:
