Elle Beau ❇︎
2 min readMar 20, 2021

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I answered there and gave an example of what I did do in such an instance. I think standing up for each other and making it clear that this behavior is nor normative is one of the major ways that we interrupt it.

The "rules" of the dominance hierachy are that the most ruthess man wins and is seen as a leader. That's how the Cuomos and the Trumps of the world get in power. We we reject that and stand up to their behavior together, that's when it can really begin to change. My experience, taken from swinger's clubs and other sex-positive venues is that we have the culture that we tolerate. In those places, women are treated with respect, and even given a bit of an edge, because men know that women wouldn't go there if they didn't feel safe. Walking around half naked in palces like that is some of the safest I've ever felt in a semi-public space, and it's because the culture did not tolerate abuse or entitled behavior from men. Offenders were ejected and not allowed back. That was the culture and it meant it was really healthy and safe. Would that be more difficult to do in the world at large - of course - but not impossible. Encouraging and fostering a Might Makes Right culture is at the root of this sort of problematic behavior.

The fact of the matter is, masculinity is still often proven by disrespect for women. Working to shift that makes the biggest impact, I believe. Women can still stand up for themselves at times as individuals, but that can be very hit and miss for when that is actually safe to do.

"I was struck by how many boys told me they’d dropped out of sports they enjoyed not because they didn’t have the skill to continue, but because they couldn’t stand the Lord of the Flies mentality of teammates or coaches."

Orenstein, Peggy. Boys & Sex (p. 20). Harper. Kindle Edition.

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Elle Beau ❇︎
Elle Beau ❇︎

Written by Elle Beau ❇︎

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I do not feel ashamed. I'm your hell, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between.

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