I appreciate what you are saying in that both men and women can behave badly and use manipulations or elements that are considered stereotypical for their gender based in the expectations of a patriarchal society to get what they want, but that isn't strictly speaking what the term "toxic femininity" means, despite how it's used at times by others. Here's my two cents.

Toxic masculinity doesn't just mean men doing shitty things that guys in are culture do a lot. It means masculine traits taken to an unhealthy level where they become problematic. (The same goes for women and toxic femininity.) Toxic masculinity might be men being aggressive rather than simply assertive (a masculine trait). Rather than just being independent, they might be isolating (something that is causing an epidemic of lonliness and suicide in men today). That's why it's toxic. It speaks to a culture where masculinity is so wounded that it causes problems for women, men, and society.

Traditional feminine traits include intuitive, generous, nurturing, creative, collaborative, caring, and receptive. (Masculine ones are things like logical, confident, assertive, goal oriented, independent, etc.) So what does true “toxic femininity” look like? It could be smothering rather than nurturant, co-dependent rather than interrelated, passive-aggressive rather than clear about needs or boundaries. It could also look like being a drama queen. And just like with wounded masculinity (a better term than toxic, I think), wounded femininity comes out of living in a dominance-based social hierarchy, where you are taught to always compare yourself to everyone around you and to evaluate every interaction for whether or not you are the in the one-up or the one-down position. It breeds insecurity, selfishness, and a lack of true connection.

A lot of anti-social behaviors for both men and women comes out of the kind of social system that we live in. Women who hate men because of the way they've so often been treated by them in this culture aren't exhibiting toxic femininty in my estimation. They are are wounded, to be sure and acting out because of it but that but it has little to do with feminity. They just happen to be women using the tools at their disposal to lash back. It's more about individual anti-social behavior done by women than about a systemic thing related to female traits.

And the reason I think that this distinction and precision of terms matters is that when terms get diluted (as toxic masculinity has) to mean anything that a guy does that is crappy, then it takes away our ability to really hone in on the true issue or what is really going on. Toxic masculinity isn't about men being inherently crappy people (which it might seem like if used too broadly). It's about a culture that doesn't value balance and the feminine and forces men into a box where they aren't allowed to be full human beings which is harmful to them, to women, and to the society. The same goes for women to some extent, although since we live in a patriarchy, it has less institutional impact and there are more restrictions and demands on men about how they are supposed to behave in order to gain ranking and position in the patriarchal pecking order.

So, I whole-heartedly agree that we need to be working towards a culture that is healthy for all, although despite what Hwang said, that is already an element of mainstream feminism. And indicating that feminism ought to be equally concerned about men as women is a little like saying that "all lives matter." Of course they do, but those who have historically been disenfranchised and oppressed to a larger degree deserve to focus primarily on getting that redressed for themselves as a part of a larger attempt to improve the world for all.

So maybe I'm splitting hairs here by some people's estimation and I think that we largely are in agreement. But as someone with a sociology background, and someone who is a bit of a word nerd, I just wanted to speak to how I don't think generalizing the term toxic to mean beyond the classic, original definition as relates to gender isn't always all that useful.