I appreciate you recogizing that you did not think enough about the person who wrote the story, and instead brought all of your fears and past experiences and layed them over top of my piece.
But - here is what you actually said:
“In my experience, people who are drawn to using patriarchal framing tend to resist having their points challenged and there is little good faith debate." Then you went on to defend how that was an OK thing to say because "My experience with feminist writers on medium is they like to write for people who already agree and have little interest in strengthening arguments and building a more effective, inclusive and collaborative movement."
You claim to write in support of feminism, but then lump all feminist writers together under the umbrella of people who don't know how to be open minded or how to engage in reasonable debate. Based on nothing at all, you've lumped me in with that unflattering and dismissive stereotype (which is in itself a disrespectful thing to do - to stereotype someone). You care more about whether you've been unfairly misunderstood than you do about taking full ownership of how misogynistic a thing that was to say, and then to continue to justify.
I'm glad that you would like to be an ally to women, but you honestly need to do some deep work on how you go about that because saying you are in support of feminism from one side of your mouth and bad-mouthing and stereotyping feminism out of the other side isn't a good look. You further marginalized and disrespected me by refusing to treat me as a person and an individual who wrote a sociological piece, not a feminist manifesto - even after I pointed out to you that that's what it clearly was. You've made it all about you, and how you look, your desire to be witty, etc.
I have nothing to go on as per your intent other than what you actually say and do. I don't owe you anything, and your assertion that I do is another bit of unconscious misogyny (expectations about the role and function of women).
I wish you well also - but you have a lot of growing up to do.
To its agents, misogyny need not have any distinctive “feel” or phenomenology from the inside. If it feels like anything at all, it will tend to be righteous: like standing up for oneself or for morality, or — often combining the two — for the “little guy.” It often feels to those in its grip like a moral crusade, not a witch hunt. And it may pursue its targets not in the spirit of hating women but, rather, of loving justice. It can also be a purely structural phenomenon, instantiated via norms, practices, institutions, and other social structures.
