I base my impression of you on the sum total of the things that I've heard you say (read that you've written). You are demonstrably not inches from me or you wouldn't spend the vast majority of your time writing about what's wrong with feminism, you'd spend it writing about what's wrong with a patriarchal society and how men can impact that for the better - for themselves as well as everyone else.

Part of the problem is that you seem to think that how you feel carries the same weight as a 50 year body of academic theory that I've spent decades learning about and interacting with (that I’m simply passing along). This body of work encompasses anthropology, sociology, economics, philosophy, art history, psychology and many other disciplines. The definition that I presented to you of what a good man is comes directly from bell hooks (and I noted that when I quoted it to you), one of the luminaries of feminist theory. My supplements to that come out of decades of reading and listening to Black people, gay people, people with disabilities, etc., about what they want from their allies - which pretty much universally is to be quite and listen, to learn, and to let the members of the marginalized group take the lead. You don't seem to think that's necessary, which is an issue.

The fact that you don't know anything about any of that leads you to conclude that it must be my personal opinions (even though I've often quoted from other sources), and that is yet another indication of why you need to spend more time listening and learning and less time sharing your opinion about a topic that you know very little about. You see surface level inequality and want to impact that - great - but you don't know what you don't know about the nuances and if you really want to be an ally, you need to do a better job of learning about the depth of the topic, but also about how to be a good ally.

It's entirely appropriate to write something about what you wish more women knew about men's experience in this culture. It's completely inappropriate for you to demand that feminism dilute its advocacy for women by taking on those issues - and it's even more inappropriate for you to tell inflammatory lies to get readers or to work out your own wounds. Women are not laughing that men are lonely. Mainstream feminism does care about men - it just isn't making that the focus of the movement - which is as it should be. And speaking of that, there are many, many different strains of feminism that often believe slightly (or even very) different things. Failing to recognize that, and assuming that any woman who speaks about her bad experiences is aligned with and representative of feminist organizations is reductive and frankly, kind of lazy.

I think you are the one who sees things in black and white. Saying that about me is just another deflection so that you can continue to cling to your undereducated opinions without having to actually learn, evolve or grow, which by their very nature demand humility, vulnerability, and being responsible for noticing where your wounds are speaking louder than your brain. Whether you are up for that is for you to determine, but this is a topic that I care too much about to be silent around.