I didn't say that I didn't care - that was you, who was too "bored " with with conversation to continue, and yet still has. I said you were frustrating - that's different than not caring. I'm just playing a little game with you now to see if you can possibly stand to not have the "last word." So far, I'm winning. 😉
But I do have to thank you for giving me a story idea. Your absurd notion that men are just "naturally" stoic and competitive and that this isn't a very highly socialized in set of traits will make for yet another good debunking essay.
The short version is, men in some other less deeply patriarchal countries today are much less emotionally repressed, and much less performatively competitive than American (and some other) men. Patriarchy teaches guys that if they don't "win" they "lose" but lots of other places teach cooperation, and seeing your own past performance as the thing to compete with. This are things that are a lot more in line with humans as a very highly social species that survived when other hominins did not because of our ability to cooperate.
Many scientists now believe that it was our ability to cooperate, to share, to show empathy, and to recognize and accept others who were like us, even if they weren’t from our immediate tribe that allowed Homo sapiens to survive when all other early hominins died out. Collaboration, not competition is the secret to our evolutionary success and this theory is supported in a wide variety of ways.
It used to be that "manly" men were expected to openly weep and express their "deepest sensibilities" as a function of being "a real man." This didn't really start to shift until around the Industrial Revolution.
This is what I mean when I say you don't know enough about this topic to be offering up "this is just how this feels to me" opinions about well documented history, sociology, and anthropology.
Too many men conflate their socialization with who they actually are - which is perhaps why it feels so attacking to have it pointed out that these sorts of Man Box norms drive violence and sexual predation in our culture. In any case, it will make for a good essay topic, so thanks for that. I'll leave you with this story as well, and let you have the last word. I'm off to start on my new story.
It’s pretty ironic that believing you’re being logical by suppressing feelings actually leads you to operate out a non-scientific and largely emotional paradigm. Family therapist, Michael Kosim, also notes that on top of men being socialized to suppress emotions and then feeling as though they are behaving logically when they aren’t, doing this often takes a huge toll on their health and well-being, as well as their relationships with women.
“For example, there is nothing worse for their social status than to be seen crying. They lose their chance to learn the essential skill of expressing and processing feelings. To then be told by authorities, pop culture, etc. that you are more logical feels like a relief. If you fear showing vulnerability, how comforting it is to know this be perceived as a sign of rational thinking?”
“Avoidance of feelings by men comes with many costs, e.g.
A wide range of chronic physical symptoms and illnesses
Maintain a skewed, unfair perception of women and girls
Feelings emerge in the only “acceptable” emotion (anger) from extreme sports to extreme violence
Less likely to experience deep connections with others
Less likely to feel seen and understood by their partners”
Alongside knowing how to access and process your emotions for healthy behavior and good relationships, research indicates that emotions are integral to productive thought. In fact, we literally can’t think without them.
