I don't know who told you that - I think you're misinterpreting. Absolutely nobody is attracted to someone with low self-confidence - that's not what not being cocky means. Introverted and soft spoken can be OK - but only if that person has the confidence to truly own who they are and make that work for them. In general, more extraverted guys do tend to do better, but that's because they have more experience using that to connect. Introverts can learn how to connect in their own way, but they have to actually do that - not just wait for women to drop from the sky. Introvert can't be a synonym for "I have no self-confidence." Prefers to de-escalate is not the same as couldn't defend me. Thinking they are the same thing is a huge part of your problem.

From what you've written here, I'm sorry to say that you truly don't understand what women want. All those "soft skills" have to be accompanied by a real sense of knowing and owning who you are. It's called being self-possessed.

Women haven't lied to you - you just don't understand what they are actually saying. Take it from a leading men's magazine if you won't take it from us.

"Turns out that women think being in control of your energies and appropriately channeling them is the path to greatness. "

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19535604/top-20-traits-she-wants/