I don't see being decisive and proactive as being a leader in your relationship. I'm those things, and so is my husband - as well as my other partners (who are female), come to think of it. Women like confidence - but so do men (unless they are insecure themselves).

I get that culturally (and for a lot of other reasons related to safety, etc) men are largely expected to initiate connections, but again, that's not being a leader in your relationship - that's initiating first contact and "courting" in a way that is culturally prescribed at the moment.

I agree that there are a lot of other patriarchal undertones that sometimes get attached to that term that aren't necessarily intended, but overwhelmingly what I see women wanting is a real partner, not some form of relationship hierarchy and what a lot of men still want is unearned privilege that comes from being born with a penis.