I don't think you understand what that term means. Self-flagellation means you are flagellating (beating) yourself. Listening to someone tell you something you'd prefer not to hear is not self-flagellation. But pretending that harmful norms of masculinity as it is configured in this culture not only don’t drive rape, but the way that we respond to it, where for the most part we largely punish victims more than we punish rapists, is a kind of self-delusion which is harmful to honor, integrity, and good sense, so I guess you might call that a type of self-harm.
We will constructively solve things when guys like you stop deflecting and actually pay attention to the realities and the research. As I've already noted, rape doesn't exist in cultures that don't condone it as a form of exerting masculinity. 40% of college guys have admitted to researchers that they have raped someone because they've been taught that coercion is not rape, but an acceptable method of getting what they want from a woman. That's the culture of masculinity that we currently have. The same one where male judges are infinitely more concerned about the future prospects of men (even those who have admitted to rape) than they are justice for the women they harm. We live in a rape culture because that's a part of patriarchal masculinity. And if you are not actively countering those norms and challenging that aspect of society then you are condoning and allowing it with your silence.
We have the culture that we allow for and tolerate. In cultures that don't allow for rape and see it as unmanly, it functionally doesn't exist. We all participate in creating our culture, but as was the central thesis of the OP, (which seems to have gone entirely over your head) men have a much better chance of influencing and altering norms of masculinity than women do. That's why if you aren't doing anything, you are complicit.
And rape is just one example - current norms of masculinity drive violence against other men as well as women. They drive isolation and risky behaviors in men. The APA spent 13 years crafting new guidelines in an attempt to address how harmful Man Box masculinity is to men - based on 40 years of study, most of it done by men.
But noooo, talking about that is divisive and attacking.... 🙄. Things will improve when more men stop being so fragile and actually take on the "manly" work of improving the culture and not before.
90% of violence is perpetrated by men - against women and children, but also against other men
90% of rape is perpetrated by men - against both women and men
90% of the sort of domestic violence that is an attempt to control the other person is perpetrated by men.
85% of American women started getting sexually harassed in childhood.
This isn't being done by monsters or aliens - it's being done by everyday men acting out scrips of masculinity as it is constructed in this culture. Stop pretending that masculine norms have nothing to do with this. Men themselves identify this as one of the core aspects of what is expected of them. "Real men use physical violence when necessary, and hold control over household decisions and women’s movements."
If you aren't a part of the solution, you are, in fact, a part of the problem. It's as simple as that. As I already noted, there is work for women to do as well, but we can't shift norms of masculinity in this culture - you guys have to do that. So how about you stop whining and deflecting and "act like a man" by taking this stuff on?
