I get that it's difficult to understand a different way of relating to your partner from outside of that paradigm, but 10+ years of CNM has absolutely enhanced my relationship with my husband. We had a good relationship to start with and I personally think that's the only way to make CNM work. If you're not that close or having problems, doing that will probably drive you to divorce, but otherwise is drives deeper closeness, higher quality communication, and taking more responsibility for yourself and your emotions. I don't think it's better, superior, or for everyone, but those are very real and very common outcomes.
When you say things like "do you enjoy feeling jealous" you're assuming that's the only possible feeling - and it isn't. I've never been jealous and my husband had a little at first but worked through it because jealousy is about insecurity, and we have a very strong and secure relationship, so that's just not really a factor for us. And we absolutely were in a super happy and deeply connected place when we decided to open up our relationship - because as you note, being intimate is a beautiful and wonderful experience and having more of that in our lives adds to the beauty and wonderfulness.
You seem to believe that monogamy is the human default and that anything else is an aberration, but although that's how things are in our culture, it's not remotely universal - and didn't really take place anywhere in the world until the rise of patriarchy about 5k years ago. Pair bonding is ancient, but sexual fidelity is not (as evidenced by the high levels of cheating that take place even in cultures where that is severely punished).
You also seem to think that love can be diluted and that if you had ten friends instead of 1 or 3 siblings instead of 1 that you would have less good relationships, and that's just silly. You love or like a whole lot more than one person all of the time. I'm totally in favor of you doing what works for you, but you seem to take it very personally when that isn't what works for someone else or makes them happy, and I find that strange.
I love being an individual who has strong connections with a variety of people, rather than just one half of a couple. It's what feels most natural and most authentic to me. I love that there are no secrets ever in my relationships, and the high level of communication that goes on within them. Monogamous couples could do that too but it confronts a lot of the "rules" about how you're supposed to be in a couple, and makes it more difficult because as I said at the beginning, it's hard to evaluate one relationship style through the lens of another very different one.
In a traditional Canela marriage ceremony, the bride and groom lie down on a mat, arms under each other’s heads, legs entwined. The brother of each partner’s mother then comes forward. He admonishes the bride and her new husband to stay together until the last child is grown, specifically reminding them not to be jealous of each other’s lovers. — Anthropologist, Sarah Blaffer Hrdy (1)
When seventeenth-century Jesuit missionary Paul Le Jeune lectured a Montagnais Indian man about the dangers of the rampant infidelity he’d witnessed, Le Jeune received a lesson on proper parenthood in response. The missionary recalled, “I told him that it was not honorable for a woman to love any one else except her husband, and that this evil being among them, he himself was not sure that his son, who was there present, was his son. He replied, ‘Thou hast no sense. You French people love only your own children; but we all love all the children of our tribe."
Edit: I just read your response to another comment, and now I get where you’re coming from with this. Most guys on dating sites who claim they are non-monogamous really just want an excuse to essentially engage in hook-up culture and not have to apologize for that — but that isn’t actual Consensual Non-monogamy. They aren’t communicating at a deep level, being responsible for their behavior and their emotions, or any of the other hallmarks of that relationships style. They just want to fuck around and they are giving actual CNM a bad name.
