I get the destructiveness of vigilantism and never forgiving someone who has made a mistake, but to me not speaking up about something that is wrong is also non-productive. We have a culture of disbelieving and silencing victims and that needs to end. As we’ve tried to move into a place where there is more room for dialogue about that (a constructive place to be) there has also been an intense amount of push-back, like with the #MeToo movement. As a society, we needed to understand just how pervasive this problem was/is. Even though most women knew this was a serious issue, even we didn’t truly understand just how many other people had dealt with the same things until it became more acceptable to talk about it. But rather than that becoming a transformative and healing moment, it’s become divisive because such a huge swath of people don’t want to listen to those who have been harmed and in turn, blame them for speaking out in the first place.

For me, the solution is for people to take greater responsibility for their own actions so that when someone else says, “Hey, that’s not OK,” rather than defending, pushing back, or otherwise denying, they would take a good look at themselves and make a change. No shaming or ostracization necessary.