I get what you're saying but that way of thinking is actually kind of the problem in my estimation. We still live in a largely androcentric culture, but that is being eroded with each passing year. Freaking out because you are no longer the de facto center of everything and the uncontested "head of the family" without ever having to earn that is what's best for everyone else. If you want to be a good dad, then be one. Sometimes women prevent dads from seeing their kids, but overwhelmingly it's that dads abandon their children and start new families or just drift off.

If hearing that if you died your son could still have a decent chance of growing up successfully without you and making it about you rather than about the child is an encapsulation of everything that is wrong with patriarchy. Everybody needs their parents, but the fact that lesbian couples don't have to worry about shortchanging boys or that if your dad is crappy, as my husband's was, or he's no longer around for whatever reason, that you can still have a decent chance to grow up OK - that's what should matter, not the poor hurt feelings of people who are feeling their privilege challenged. I know that sounds pretty blunt, but the way I see it is that increasing equality feels like a loss to some men, and that's just too bad. Figure it out...as important as parents are, nobody is irreplaceable - and that's a good thing.

And really, what is the desired "fix" here other than going back to the 1950s or figuring out how to adjust?