I have no idea why so many have that issue. It's like the thing you mentioned about white feminism. I have never personally intentionally marginalized a black woman (or any black person) but I can easily acknowledge that white feminism has blatantly done that to black women and that I have all kinds of privilege even though I also experience discrimination as a woman. I don't feel personally attacked when someone brings that up. It just seems stupid not to be able to acknowledge that.

I think that some women uphold patriarchy for several reasons: It's what they are used to and so it feels right in some respects. If they've grown up being told that's the way things should be (like in church) it's harder to buck that. Plus, there are advantages to aligning yourself with with those who are higher up the hierarchy, and there are disadvantages and penalties for rejecting that system. That's what misogyny essentially is - the policing arm of patriarchy that punishes women who refuse to uphold it properly.

Here's more about that:

https://medium.com/inside-of-elle-beau/women-uphold-the-patriarchy-too-c6c2e5de8619

According to a sociologist who has studied this for 30 years, only about 20-25% of whites hold openly white supremacist views, down from the 1960s when nearly everyone openly believed that blacks were inferior to whites. But also, I think it's pretty clear that an awful lot of racism (sexism, homophobia, etc.) is subconscious and comes forth in things like implicit bias.

I think there are a lot of people who believe in the patriarchal dominance hierarchy because it's what they've always known, who have no conscious feelings of racism, and yet, nonetheless feel uncomfortable when they perceive that hieararchy beginning to flatten. I saw a huge surge of this right after George Floyd's death, particularly among men who consider themselves progressive. They have conscious beliefs about equality but still felt rattled that the hierarchy was flattening out some, and the needs of those who are perceived to be lower down it were being listened to and addressed.