I hear what you're saying, but I think that humans are unfailingly adaptable. Look at how much things have changed in the past 50 years. Sure, they need to keep changing - by a lot, but we're also hearing more and more about how "traditional" masculinity is harmful to men, drives isolation and depression, etc. If we can't get men interested in their own self-preservation because they are too desperately interested in power (which is such a clear indication of insecurity to me), perhaps they deserve to go the way of the dinosaur.

I've been married for 30 years. Over the course of that time, we've both learned a lot about what we really want vs. what we were indoctrinated into about relationships. We both had to deprogram a little bit, but it's so much more enjoyable to be in a loving partnership where you really try to support each other and have each other's backs than to be in a constant power struggle. It's a self-reinforcing dynamic. For the most part, I didn't have to do too much "retraining."

But in any case, the point of my OP is that telling guys this is what women want and expect isn't doing anyone any favors. There's a huge difference between strong and self-confident, showing up like an adult, and taking responsibility for your choices and your life and being "the leader" in the relationship. Most women really, really want the former and aren't so keen on the latter.