I honestly don't get this need to be a leader in a relationship (unless you're saying that you need to lead yourself). I largely agree with what you've said, but what does "She will follow" even mean? For me, it reeks of insecurity.
In just about every single long-term relationship I've ever seen the woman is clearly the center tent poll holding the whole shebang together, and usually making the travel plans and managing the finances as well. Most women would like their men to step up and become their partners more of the time, but they sure as hell don't want or need to be led in any way, shape, or form. For me, this feels like such an anachronism from the past, and a manifestation of how patriarchy breeds insecurity in men.
When I was a young teenager, I began to think of men as inferior. To be clear, I no longer believe that, but by about 12 or 13 I was well aware of a world where men pushed me and other women around, but at the same time did not seem to have the inner resources to hold their lives together without female support. My father and many of the other men that I saw in my world, expected to be treated as the head of the household. And yet, they clearly relied heavily on the women in their sphere for support of both the emotional and the physical kind. I recognized and resented the bitter dichotomy of being integrally important, without that being recognized or valued very much. I saw myself living in a society of tyrannical children where I was expected to serve and soothe, but also to always take a back seat. This seemed both pathetic and infuriating to me.
Before someone goes off on a tirade, let me explain. I’m not asserting that all men are tyrannical children. I’m simply saying that the men who staunchly uphold patriarchal norms often do so because they have been indoctrinated into a belief that power, obedience, and deference are owed them by women and others who are below them in the dominance hierarchy. At the same time, they demand to be taken care of, soothed, pleased, and otherwise catered to in the manner of spoiled children. It’s a poisonous combination that many women are completely and entirely fed up with, although some women continue to enable, both intentionally as well as subconsciously.
