I know I've linked to you before the story I wrote some time ago about how women uphold the patriarchy too. Saying that I don't talk about the way that patriarchy harms everyone or the way that women also participate in it is completely disengenous.

https://medium.com/inside-of-elle-beau/women-uphold-the-patriarchy-too-c6c2e5de8619

All the self-responsibility in the world is not going to impact the power dynamics that are entrenched in our society. As an aside, I also wrote a story about why Biden was the only candidate who could beat Trump becase he is so much like him. We are still deeply wedded to the hierarchy, in part because a mere 50 years ago it was considered only right and normal by the vast majority of Americans. We had laws that enshrined and codified it. It's going to take time, and continued discussion about why that isn't true in order to dismantle it further.

Here's my plan. When huge swaths of people explain their pervasive negative experiences (which are all supported by millions of data points, extensive research, etc.) that those who are negatively impacting them listen, without being defensive, and hold a conversation with them about how we can all address this issue together. That doesn't mean that the "complainer" point of view gets automatically adopted, but it does mean that we as a society take it seriously and at least make a concerted effort to understand and come to some kind of mutally agreeable resoultion.

But that can't actually happen in this culture, because IT'S A DOMINANCE HIERARCHY! Thinking that individuals can routinely successfully challenge that on their own, doesn't impact the verifiable sociological dynamics. We're deeply embedded in a belief that someone has to lose in order for someone else to win, so those who are oppressed have to keep demanding better (which is the only thing that has ever led to any positive change). The only way to impact any problem is to recognize that it exists in the first place, and if people want to cling to the notion that there is no real problem, then they are going to have to deal with the concerted advocacy that will continue until they finally start to listen. It's as simple as that.

Of course advocates aren't saints. Of course they have human foibles and at times group-think overtakes sense, but that doesn't mean the baby has to go out with the bathwater. I'm a complete and total pragmatist. If the only thing that has ever worked in this culture is concerted advocacy over time, then that's what we need to keep doing, despite that it's an imperfect system full of imperfect people. Just ask Dr. King...