I know who Ciaran is. He writes for my publication Sensual: An erotic life quite a bit. Of the male dating coaches I've seen, he seems like one of the better ones. And, a couple of times I've had him edit his advice to better reflect consent and sexual ethics - something that he was more than willing to do each time. Sometimes his advice to behave dominantly was glossing over that, but as I said, he agreed with me when it was pointed out and amended his stories to better reflect that his point of view really is about respect and treating the woman like a person to get to know and not some kind of plaything to bend to your will. For example, if you start spanking a woman during sex without having ever discussed whether that was interesting or desireable to her, she may love it, OR, she may treat you like you've assaulted her. Presuming that you behaving dominantly in that way is attractive is a part of rape culture - and Ciaran agreed when I pointed that out to him. No woman wants to be treated like a doll to be acted upon. She wants you to be strong and confident (not wishy-washy), and to also include her in a partnership where her agency and autonomy are respected. And I know enough about Ciaran's writing to know that he would agree with that.

Confidence is not only knowing what you bring to the table, it's owning it in a way that is apparent to others. You absolutely were not demonstrating confidence in the past, according to your own words that I often read. And that was your issue - which apparently is less of an issue now. Fabulous! As I said, I'm very happy for you.