I never said that is does but jumping to that equation that I didn't remotely make is a deflection so that you don't have to grapple with the fact that mainstream masculine norms include aggression, domination, and control of women. It means you can pretend that because you didn't do anything, that it's not about you - when the fact that you didn't do anything is actually a huge part of the problem. The men that behave in these ways aren't aliens from another planet — they are regular men acting out the far end of mainstream masculine norms — and the way they act is tolerated and a blind eye turned to it, making you complicit in what they do. There wouldn't be that much violence if it weren't tolerated and to some extent, encouraged in the culture.
In spite of significant social change in recent decades, men continue to grow up with and are socialized into a deeply misogynistic, male-dominated culture, where violence against women—from the subtle to the homicidal—is disturbingly common. It’s normal. And precisely because the mistreatment of women is such a pervasive characteristic of our patriarchal culture, most men, to a greater or lesser extent, have played a role in its perpetuation. This gives us a strong incentive to avert our eyes.
Unfortunately, few men pay any discernible price for this averting of our eyes. In part, this is because we’re not expected to do much or even care much about these issues—unless something happens to a woman or girl close to us. Most guys will say, “I’m a good guy. These aren’t my problems.” The trouble is, for a culture with as much gender violence as ours, the bar for being considered a “good guy” is set awfully low.
On a personal level, men who are not abusive toward women nonetheless play important roles in the lives of men who are. Men who physically and sexually abuse women are not monsters who live apart from the civilized world. They are in our families and friendship circles. They are our fathers, sons, brothers, and best friends. They are our fishing partners, drinking buddies, teammates, fraternity brothers, and colleagues. We too easily let them and ourselves off the hook when we call their violence a women’s issue. Do we do it intentionally? I don’t know. But whether conscious or unconscious, it’s an effective strategy to avoid accountability.
Katz, Jackson. The Macho Paradox (p. 17). Sourcebooks. Kindle Edition.
