I recently ran across someone pointing out the "incels" are actually voluntarily celibate - because a lot of them have never even approached any women, have never made any effort whatsoever to learn to be less awkward or to deal with their issues. They just project their self-hatred onto women, as you've said. I read another article in the NYT about how many of these guys are actually just fine looking or even handsome, but they're trapped in this warped, negative, toxic masculinity world. While that's unfortunate, it's not something that women can fix for them.