I remember how difficult this was with my mom and given that I didn't live near her, except for the last 6 months when she lived with us, it was even more complex. My MIL was over the other day and the thought of having to help her in the bathroom, cut her filthy fingernails for her, etc., gives me caregiver PTSD from when I did all that for my mother. It's not that it's gross - I have pets and have cleaned up many disgusting things in my life - I really think it's the whole role-reversal thing. They took care of us, they are supposed to take care of us. Having to now take care of them just rattles a lot of old dynamics in a very disruptive way.

Sending you a big hug because this really isn't easy stuff at all...