I seriously doubt that anybody has called you either of those things directly. And noting that masculinity in America, Canada, and the rest of the West is responsible for driving rape culture and violence is entirely accurate and appropriate. Both the norms of mainstream masculinity and by extension, nearly all men are either responsible by actively participating in it or by propping it up in other ways such as turning a blind eye, as well as by benefiting from patriarchy - even if they never asked for or intended that. But those broach social dynamics don't have anything to do with you personally - beyond your responsibility to try not to make things any worse as we talked about the other day. If you can't separate yourself out from masculine norms in the culture or how responsibility is different from fault then you are going to continue to suffer because the person conflating them is you.