I think most feminists recognize that women uphold patriarchy as well, or they wouldn't use terms like "internalized patriarchy" so frequently. But it's also true that until 50 years ago, women in the US were second class citizens by law, with hundreds of fewer legal rights. Hell, women had to fight for nearly 100 years just to get the vote. It's not out of line to point that out, or to note that men have actively tried to maintain patriarchal systems that benefit them and still do - or to point out that mainstream traditional (aka patriarchal) norms of masculinity drive most of the violence in this culture, against women, but also against other men. While I agree with nearly all that you've said, this is not and has never been a level playing field or a situation where women are just as culpable for maintaining patriarchy as men - because frankly, they haven't had the societal or political power to do that.

Women certainly need to look at the society they too have been indoctrinated into and notice where they uphold it. Most importantly, they need to support and allow norms of masculinity to shift to ones that are healthier for us all, but considering that women were second class citizens by law in my life-time, it's not remotely out of line to note that men are responsible for that. Not all men (do we honestly have to say that here?) but men as a demographic. In addition, all men do benefit from patriarchy even though it also harms them too, and they may well have other types of oppression/marginalization - all men do still experience privilege related to being male in this culture in a way that women demonstrably do not.

I don't think revenge has anything to do with this equation. I'm not entirely sure what that even means, to be honest, but what is clear is that we can't change a structurally male dominated, male centric culture without the buy in of men. And, we can't shift this culture unless we are honest about the way that it actually has been structured and works. That's not blame, that's being honest about the dynamics that are actually in play. This absolutely includes the ways that women help to uphold patriarchy, but due to the inherent societal power differential, men need to accept and take responsibility for that as well and we need to be able to say that without it being looked at as an attack on men. After all, patriarchy harms men too, and that for me is most important aspect in the fight for dismantling this harmful social system.