I think that there is still a lot of homophobia (as a result of patriarchal norms) even in polyamory. We like to do threesomes and have had a lot harder time finding men who are willing to do that because it entails being naked with another man, even if you aren’t going to be intimate. And I think men have been conditioned that they should be in charge in bed and that paradigm gets disrupted in MFM where typically it is actually the woman who is kind of the lead. We had a straight male partner for a while and it worked fine but then we moved to a different state.
We finally found a pan-sexual male play partner in our new state and that has given my husband James the opportunity to explore his own pan-sexual side.
“What really struck me watching my husband kiss a man, watching them touch each other in overtly sexual ways, is that it did not come across as gay (as informed by media and social conditioning). It came across as two people kissing and having sexual contact. And that’s how I feel when I’m intimate with Tamara — like a person interacting with one of the people I love, who just happens to be a woman.”
As to the question of images, I find that ones of two women and a man are a lot more plentiful, particularly on royalty-free sites. I agree that the images and words that we use help paint the picture of what is “normal” or “acceptable” but also that it takes more effort and intention to find ways to be inclusive when you are trying to publish quickly. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t attempt it, but I know I’ve fallen into the trap of what is easier or more expedient before.
