I think the issue is entitlement. He feels like he is entitled to sex with his wife even if he's not treating her like a lover but rather like a sex-dispensing machine that he lives with. Men are taught, even in this day and age, that they are entitled to women's time, attention, and bodies. Even more so if they have married them. It is selfish and emotionally stupid too, but entitlement is a huge factor.

I agree about the world needing more relationship counselors because I used to think the kind of marriage I have was pretty typical - where you really like as well as love each other and spend time together trying to support each other and bring joy to the other. Turns out that as far as I can tell, that isn't remotely true.