I think there is a difference between working class men who won't get paid if they don't work and white collar guys. A while back a Medium friend of mine wrote something describing something similar to what you said about your own experiences. I suggested he ask his wife and her friends about "man flu" and they all laughed their heads off because in their circle (they were teachers) it's so pervasive as to be comedic. That doesn't mean all men do that, and I was certainly interested to hear you talk about island communities where that would be looked upon not as a normal thing.

I was a child when I was there, and the daughter of a college professor so I wasn't in the same community as the one you are describing, but I'm glad to hear that is the case. I do think that there's a big difference between more patriarchal (meaning not just gender differences but socially stratified) segments of culture. I don't know if you've read any of my anthropoligical stuff, but prior to the onset of patriarchy 6-9 K years ago, the primarily survivial strategy was everyone takes care of everyone in a very egalitarian social structure. Once patriarchy hits, you've got a kind of almost feudal system where the elites exert power over those with less. What I know of Hawaiian culture it's a lot more in the pre-patriarchy camp. It's the haoles who brought that.

Thanks for your perspective.