I think this is a very important point and I completely agree that how the person thinks of themselves is what is most important. And, since it's a TV show, it's hard to know for sure if that is how this character felt about himself or if it was just some deep-seated unconscious bias of the writer's. Other people referred to him as gay, and he never actually refers to his own identity (if I'm remembering correctly). Perhaps that was what rubbed me the wrong way?

Thanks, as always, for weighing in on things like this and yes, our terminology and vocabularies are often completely inadequate for describing the complexities of modern sexuality.