I think we are largely on the same page. Where the nuance comes in is like you said, you don't escalate beyond pleasantries without express cues that give permission to do so. If all men did this, women wouldn't have anxiety about having to turn guys down, because randos wouldn't be asking them out or for their number when they've given no indication they are open to that and then having a cow when they decline - because they would already have developed enough rapport and established enough mutual interest to be pretty sure what the answer was before they even asked.

This is is the problem in a nutshell. A lot of men don't want to take the time to establish rapport, build relationship and familiarity, get to know somebody to make sure there is actual chemistry beyond an initial impression of attraction. They want a hook-up now, and even those who want a girlfriend still expect that to be somewhat like ordering something from Amazon. That's not how human relationships work though, and it's sure not what most women are open to. Maybe some are for hook-ups, but beyond that...