I think we're mostly on the same page. I agree that we have to be much of the change that we want to see in the world. But, at the same time, just about every male sociologist and social scientist who studies this stuff agrees that real change will only come when a preponderance of men start to see the ways that patriarchy harms them - and everyone else - and takes on shifting masculinity into healthier lanes. Women have to allow and support that, but they can't do it for men. We've been trying that for the past 50 or so years, and although there's been some progress, the long-standing and deeply entrenched power dynamics prevent the kind of progress we need at the fundamental level.

As Dr. Eisler notes when speaking about the origins of patriarchy, "The one thing they all had in common was a dominator model of social organization: a social system in which male dominance, male violence, and a generally hierarchic and authoritarian social structure was the norm." Asking or expecting women to change a social system that arose that way via attacking a settlement and killing all the men and children, taking the women as war prizes seems unlikely to me. We have to do our part, for sure, but it's a bit like expecting Black people to be the solution to racism. I don't know how women are expected to magically rise when they are still quite actively and systemically held down.

When looking at systems of truth and reconciliation, as took place in South Africa, one of the key elements is for the historic oppressors to face and accept responsibility for the part that they played. You can't have actual healing and forgiveness without that. This is a process that's been used since the 1970s around the world, and that is a key element.

https://greensborotrc.org/truth_reconciliation.php#google_vignette

"Truth and reconciliation promotes the belief that confronting and reckoning with the past is necessary for successful transitions from conflict, resentment and tension to peace and connectedness."

I don't think holding animosity is helpful, but at the same time, I don't think ignoring real social dynamics is either. We have to face the truth in our culture and we all have to do that, but that can't happen unless more men get on board. Clearly, women have our part to play, but expecting women to save the day and save men from their worst impulses via love and understanding is in itself a patriarchal construct. And, I don't think that's what you are saying exactly. I do also think there's room for an "all of the above" approach. Women need to keep seeking and cultivating their own inner power while at the same time, seeking and cultivating "truth and reconciliation." At least that's how I see it.

Hope you have a good swim. I appreciate you as well.