I think you are projecting your own story onto everyone else here, including the woman you never met and the man who actually did. Homophobia is about adherence to gender roles, and it has been since the time of the Greeks. It was fine to have a sexual relationship with a man back then, but it was shaming to be penetrated by a man (because that makes you a woman). They often had interfemoral sex (between the legs) for that reason.
Also, women who are beyond the age of about 30 aren't nearly as insecure as you are portraying and as it's becoming more socially acceptable bisexuality in women is exploding. Clearly, they are not all that worried about the kinds of things you've described.
“Skirt Club is for bisexual and bicurious women, many of whom are in committed relationships with men. Skirt Club began in the UK in 2014 and now has a worldwide presence, with upwards of 7,000 members.
Skirt Club has been described as sex-positive and empowering for women, both sexually and in a more general sense, as they are encouraged to discover more about their own sexual selves, without pressure or judgment. "
