I think you've nailed your problem right here: "So to have the confidence that someone you've never met is not only going to be open to talking to you, be interested in you and what you have to say and that you're a better prospect for both of those things than anyone else in the room, to me reeks of arrogance, but that's approaching in a nutshell I guess." If you don't think you're worth talking to why would anyone else?