I understand that it’s outside of your experience. A few years ago it was outside of mine and I actually went so far as to write an article saying that I would never choose anything but monogamy, based in part upon preconceived notions that I had about polyamory. But, because of that experience and the fact that I’ve matured since then, I think that when one is interested in something that one doesn’t know much about, the best thing to do is to ask questions and seek information rather than to tell someone else what their life is like based on how you imagine it might be.

One of the main reasons that people like me write about polyamory is to help those who don’t know much about it to understand because it’s a very different kind of relationship style than most people have ever experienced. Most people think that polyamory is primarily about sex, and that is typically an important component, but not the only one (just as it is in monogamy). Here’s one of my favorite descriptions about what polyamory is really about and how that can influence relationships of all kinds:

“For marriage as we know it to survive in the future, we will all have to catch up. Things are shifting dramatically in our society. We are learning a new form of relationship — not based on sex, or swinging or adventure — but based on integrity, a new concept for many of us. Being out in the open about our real feelings may be a new and creative style of relating. This type of relating is not founded in following our lust or our impulses, but is the basis of forming a new style of relationship that is honest — honest with ourselves about what we really want and desire and honest with our partners about what we need. There is an inherent maturity in standing up for what we believe is our truth — even if it is the need to love more than one person at a time.”