I understand what you're saying but as someone who speaks reasonably, blaming culture and not men in particular, all of the time, I still get yelled at and abused pretty much every day for my trouble. Men do not want to hear that patriarchy is a system that hurts everyone - men too. They seem to feel that acknowledging that indicates they have failed to cut it in the system, and they don't want to lose face or have the vulnerability that might come from that. Also, a lot of them don't want to lose privilege. As noted in this OP, they are sure that the only other option is for women to abuse and dominate them. And that's a huge issue in trying to actually talk to them.

In addition, when men attack and dismiss women for talking about horrendous life-long experiences with misogyny, it's going to make women angry. I think the feeling is, "I've been trying to get you to care for decades, and since it's apparent you don't, I might as well at least vent my spleen on you." The prevailing response to #MeToo from men wasn't, "OMG, I had no idea it was that bad. I hate to hear that. How can we work to create a better culture together?" It was more along the lines of "You stupid bitches need to stop lying and trying to make men look bad." Because pieces ought to take what they get from actual players and because it's a zero-sum construct where someone has to lose, and they don't want it to be them.

The Andrew Tate's of the world and the alt-right speak to these fears and insecurities and capitalize on them. It's not quite so easy for people who are asking men to take responsibility for themselves, and to otherwise do things that take work and vulnerability to reach them. I mean, that was the whole point of the Gillette ad - to encourage men to lead the way in creating a better culture and a whole lot of men just lost their shit over that. What are we supposed to do in the face of that?